I remember as time was coming closer to meeting my soon to be Mom,
My excitement was increasing exponentially!
But looking back on everything from that day as an adult brought me back to one of the most difficult parts about the adoption process, which was not being able to see my Godmother anymore like I used to. Severing our relationship while I was still in Brasil felt like I had shredded a thick layer of myself. And it was a feeling I had become petrified of after my mother abandoned me to the orphanage. As a young child I respected my elders, obeyed and trusted them with my whole heart. I’m not trying to boast, it was just who I was. That is why making the decision to become adopted was one of the easiest decisions in my life. The promises made mentioned love, and all I wanted was to be loved like at my orphanage and my Godmothers. Little did I know that those unkept promises made to me as a young child, would later make me always doubtful of and question my trust towards people.
I hope that writing this as an international adoptee will help others realize why adoption should always be seen from the child’s perspective. Which means seeing/hearing every adoption by acknowledging the good parts and the parts that need improvement.
—Soon my Mom was to arrive!
I can remember it so vividly, I was surrounded by my girl friends at the orphanage, caretakers, counselors and the adoption team. They were all excited for me to finally have a family that would love me unconditionally.
As I caught sight of my Mom for the first time, I was so excited and nervous I wanted to run back inside the house! But my friends talked me into staying put!
The first two and a half months that I was with my adoptive mom in Brasil, I would say it was quite perfect for me. We were at a lovely hotel, eating amazing food, went on field trips, did English workbooks and went swimming at the pool as much as I could. My adoptives mom’s relationship with me was blooming, challenging and sometimes experienced a lot of miscommunication.
Upon reading my Mom’s journal which she kept during the my adoption in Brazil there were a couple days where I wasn’t feeling like doing the English workbook and me not being happy about it for the rest of the day. One occurrence I remember was when we went to the mall and we were being stared at and that made me very uncomfortable, which made me not want to go to the mall again. But since there was a language barrier I had to wait until the caretaker stopped by to explain to my mom why I was upset, and not wanting to go out much. From my memory those were the two occurrences that stood out to me as it being little road bumps in our two and a half months of meeting.
Like I had mentioned I was a very happy, and grateful child. My first encounter with my adoptive parent might have gone a little easier than other adoptees might have experienced.
When it was time for me to say goodbye to everyone, that was when reality hit hard for me. There was no more BRASIL.
What has been a decision that you’ve made, that has changed the course of your life forever?
Thank you for all of the support!